Bullying and Harassment Policy

After several email exchanges with the Head of Elementary on the topic of bullying among Grade 5 students, we came to be aware that ISK has completely missed the point on their Bullying and Harassment Policy:

"ISK has zero tolerance for bullying (verbal or cyber abuse) or any form of physical interference with another student."

It started when we received an email from the Head of Elementary informing us that there's some friction between several girls in Grade 5. As our daughter was part of the group of girls, and even though she didn't do anything wrong, we thought it would be a good idea to talk to her about friendship and respect, so that she knows what we expect from her behavior. In our talk, we touched on the topic of bullying and although she said that she's aware of the different forms of bullying, she has never been told the consequence if she was caught bullying someone else. So we wrote back to the Head of Elementary to inform that we had a talk to our daughter, which we receive the following response:

"Thank you for the email.  I agree with everything you said to [our daughter], and this is the same message I gave.  I told them that they don't have to be best friends with everyone, but they need to respect each other.  I'm not forcing anyone to play with anyone, but if there is any bullying behavior, I assure you all students know that there will be consequences - phone calls to parents, loss of privileges, letters of apology, etc.  They may not know these specific consequences, but they know that it is not accepted and there will be repercussions."

Am I the only one who sees a problem with the above response? ISK has a "zero tolerance" policy on bullying, yet students have not been told about the consequence. So I wrote back to the Head of Elementary:

"...if [our daughter] doesn't know the consequence then she may not understand the importance of eliminating such negative behavior. We would obviously be unhappy if she exerted such behavior, however, we would kindly ask you to consider informing the students of the consequences - if not the exact ones, then at least the type of consequence that you've mentioned - so that they are all aware."

Then in his response, the Head of Elementary said:

"...it's concerning to me as well that [our daughter] doesn't realize there are negative consequences for bullying, as it's part of our presentations we are preparing and has come up repeatedly in class discussions throughout the year. I have stated several times throughout the course of the year that if this type of behavior occurs, there will be negative consequences..."

Again, am I the only one who sees a problem with this response? Does the Head of Elementary really believe that by telling his students that there will be "negative consequences", that they will automatically understand what they are? It's like saying to a child, "If you misbehave, something bad is going to happen". This is a threat, not a clear consequence. Being banned from television for a week is a clear consequence.

Now according to Wikipedia, "A zero tolerance policy imposes automatic punishment for infractions of a stated rule, with the intention of eliminating undesirable conduct. Zero-tolerance policies forbid persons in positions of authority from exercising discretion or changing punishments to fit the circumstances subjectively; they are required to impose a pre-determined punishment regardless of individual culpability, extenuating circumstances, or history."

By having a "zero tolerance" policy without clearly stating the consequence and allowing teachers to decide on the punishment, I believe that ISK has completely missed the point and shows that it's incapable of implementing a school policy.

What do you think about this policy? Leave your comments.

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Inclusion

On January 6, I received an email from the ISK School Counsellor stating that Grade 1 have been learning about 'Friendship and Inclusion'. She encouraged parents to talk to their children about it to help reinforce the concept. Of course, we heeded the advice and had a long discussion over dinner with our children that evening, because we believe in instilling strong values and principles in our children about diversity, tolerance and acceptance.

We were recently greeted by a friend who asked us whether we were attending the ISK Father and Daughter Dance? My husband decided to ask my daughter whether she wanted to go to the event. My daughter looked at both her brothers before replying, "Isn't that Gender Exclusion daddy?" My husband and I were lost for words.

Sometimes it takes a comment from a child to make us realize that we sometimes forego our values in the name of entertainment. Well, that was food for thought from my 10 years old!

Should a school teach our children certain values such as inclusion, and then at the same time organize an event that exclude mothers, sons, daughters without a father, etc?

What do you think and have you noticed any other contradictions at ISK?

Coffee Morning: A good idea, but again bad execution!

I'm sure most of you have seen the new "Coffee Morning" initiative from ISK - I wonder what brought up this initiative? As stated in the email from the Head of Elementary:

"This informal gathering will provide a wonderful opportunity for parents to get together and join me to share ideas and challenges over a cup of coffee..."

Unfortunately, this is only held in the morning at 8:45, which isn't appropriate for many parents such as those who has to go to work. So on January 29, I wrote to the ISK Head of Elementary, and copied the Director on my email regarding the Elementary School Parents' Coffee Morning. I stated:

"We appreciate the idea of parents getting together with you over coffee to share ideas and challenges etc.. However, I'd like to suggest that you alternate the time of such an event between morning and evening. This way, working parents are better accommodated, since they cannot attend the morning session."

Until now, I have not received a reply from the school. No surprises there!

Just like the 'Half Day of School', I find that ISK has the right idea, but again a total disregard, and a lack of consideration for most working parents, and parents who cannot attend morning sessions.

Is this too personal for you?

I've received a few comments stating that my blog is too "personal". Well, reality check - a blog is meant to be personal!

If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a blog, it is a method used to express yourself to a wider audience. It's a medium whereby you can share your thoughts, experiences and passions. Additionally, a blog is "[a] collection of posts…short, informal, sometimes controversial, and sometimes deeply personal…" –Meg Hourihan.

Before launching this blog, I did approach the ISK Board of Directors for their cooperation, but it was dismissed as being one person's personal opinion. My husband and I have also approached the school on several occasions with matters concerning our children's education, but we always felt dissatisfied with their responses and/or their approach to resolving our concerns. Like I said in my earliest post, "Why I started this blog?" - I started it because I wanted to share my thoughts, and to connect with like-minded parents, on school issues that I believe ultimately affects our children's education and well-being. I wanted this blog to create awareness, and a place where parents' voices can be heard.

It appears that from the number of responses and readers that I'm receiving, I am finding my blog posts to be a great way to let others know (especially parents who are in the process of looking at International Schools for their children), of my personal opinion on topics that matters to me and/or too controversial to speak of. Sometimes it just takes a simple move to start something big.

So here's how it works. My blog posts are based on my experiences, observations, and opinions. So for those of you who are faint of heart, or if you find this blog "too personal", then feel free to disengage and stop reading. You know what they say, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!" ;-)